Have you ever felt inadequate? I have. Most of my life, the things I’ve achieved were often just to please other people. I grew up with this mindset that I have to do well so that people, especially my parents, would like me. I never felt enough though. Nothing I did was ever enough. I always fell short of the expectations. Fast forward to 25 year old me, I am still super hard on myself. After all my struggles, I am still aiming for recognition and validation from other people. Let me tell you though what happens when you rely on other people’s approval. You will NEVER be truly happy. Even as a blogger, I am too hard on myself. Maybe you’ve felt this too? I beat myself up whenever I see a decrease in likes, comments, and follows. It’s not that those are of the greatest significance, but it just makes me feel like I’m not doing enough; either I’m not doing enough, or I’m just not enough no matter how hard I try. It’s the same feeling with bigger matters in my life. There are so many questions like, “If I apply for this job, will they think I’m good enough? because I don’t think I am.”, “Why are so many crappy things happening to me all at once? Can I recover from this?”, “Why do people leave and why do people give up on me?”, “Am I not good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough?”, or “Am I really meant for something as great as I once thought I was?” Those are just a few questions out of hundreds that run through my overly anxious mind.
Is it the perfectionist in some of us? Perfectionism won’t ever make us feel perfect. All it ever does is make us feel that anything we do is inadequate; that we are inadequate. It will eat us up. Let’s not allow ourselves to be in an abusive relationship with ourselves.
So what do we do?…
– Stop trying to please everyone. Stop trying to win everyone’s approval. The person you need to please most is yourself. Get validation from yourself. Do things that will make you happy. Personally, I know this would be a hard one for me to do. Lately I’ve been trying to jump into things that I know will make me happy, but at the same time, I’m seriously stressing out because at the back of my mind is that little girl who should only do things that her parents approve of. I’m like the black sheep of my family, and even until now, I still haven’t gotten much recognition from them. I’ve come to realize though that I might never will, and it is important that I finally focus on trying to make myself genuinely happy instead. Live your life and be true to your soul. Stop always trying to obtain outside validation.
– Always believe in yourself and know that YOU ARE ENOUGH. You may lack this and that, but everyone lacks in something. You know what the good news is? You also have so many things that others don’t. Accept your flaws and rejoice in what you have. Just break down your wall and although this may sound difficult, list down all of your insecurities. Face them head on. It’s those insecurities that will give you the opportunity to grow.
– Know that you are not your failures. We all make mistakes and sometimes, even if we did everything right, we still fail. Understand and accept that life just happens to work that way. What’s important is to get back up and learn. Life can sometimes be a bitch, but it also gives us plenty of chances to rise.
– And last, don’t be too hard on yourself. This could be extremely difficult for most of us, but this is what we need to do. Celebrate even the smallest of achievements and learn to appreciate yourself more. YOU are the only person who can make yourself truly happy.